i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
