If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
