Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize