I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
