He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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