i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
