If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
