My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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