Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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