i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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