The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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