He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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