I just saw a hot homeless man
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize