Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
