No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
a search helicopter?!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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