yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
