Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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