We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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