I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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