Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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