An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
