i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
