Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
