Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
