Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
