is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
