That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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