don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So much Jack, so little girl.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize