so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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