We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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