i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
