you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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