thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
