Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
