MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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