just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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