I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
