i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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