Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
