all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
