what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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