I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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