Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
