i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
