dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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