I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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