I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
