I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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