He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
