somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
