Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
