no. you can't hotbox the world.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
pop tarts are not kleenex
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize