I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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