Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
