Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
