she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
