alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
