I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
