the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
