dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
