I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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