Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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