Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
