i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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