I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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