mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
