We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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