i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
